I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
