so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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