Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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