The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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