take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
