we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
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I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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