It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
