They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
