I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
