nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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