I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
