just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
