Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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