My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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