You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
