Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
