so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
