nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
