I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
