Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I just sharted jello shots
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