It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
