I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
