I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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