So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone came in the potted fern
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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