Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
