So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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