i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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