If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
