I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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