omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
