you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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