I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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