in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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