she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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