Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
