TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
