How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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