The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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