I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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