can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
