Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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