I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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