It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
