I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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