It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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