I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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