I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
