funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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