You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize