I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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