the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
