How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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