So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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