I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
