so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
