i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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