Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
