So drunk its hurt
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
