its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The ass gains better be worth it
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