would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
