yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
