glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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