D3 body, D1 cock
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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