Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
