cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
