Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
