she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
