He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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