After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
