you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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