I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
